more domestic mishaps

For dinner last night I was going to have an amazing meal, complete with five courses. It was going to have the perfect mix of tastes and flavors. It was going to be healthy and delicious. It was going to be so good those expert chefs on the food channel were going to be jealous... but I was tired when I got home, so I decided just to pop open a can of chili, dump some cheese on it. heat it up and call it dinner. simple enough, right? The problem came not from the actual "cooking" part of the meal, but in the preparation. All the fault of my can opener. I have an old can opener that just barely makes its way around the top of a can. It's not automatic. The wheels are kind of rusty. For some reason, its turquoise. Its happened before where I make it most of the way around a can, then the opener has trouble opening part of the can. I usually just go to another part of the circle and can complete the open that way. However, last night I ended up with a quarter inch sliver that refused to be cut by my can opener.. twice. They were on opposite sides of the lid, and I was stuck with a can that wouldn't open. I finally got my crappy opener to get one of the stubborn bits to cut nearly all of it. It was so close that I thought i could just push down on the lid and break that last bit of metal. i could. I did. A little push and the lid collapsed into the chili. I guess the push was harder than it needed to be. Chili went flying all over my wall, my floor, my shorts, face and arm. I wouldn't have been surprised to find vegetarian chili on my ceiling. That shit just exploded everywhere. What can you do but laugh? I'm off to the grocery store to buy a new can opener.... and more chili.